5 Gum

Ok, so I came across this site today. 5 Gum, a microsite created for 5, a sugar-free gum from Wrigley. Amazing Flash animation, and by amazing read=over the top. Who signed off on the budget for this one? Gum, really? No, really??

Seriously people. I would love to be a fly on the wall at every damn marketing “brainstorm” meeting where the client is being pitched a viral marketing campaign. Especially companies that have never delved into online marketing. I can almost hear the conversation, “You know what you need to do? You need an AWESOME website. Flash. Yes, Flash! Cause everyone is doing Flash. And some kind of game. Yes, a game where people challenge each other using YOUR product. That would ROCK!”
But when they did their market research (assuming they did) they forgot that their audience is…well, their audience doesn’t care about GUM while they’re online, and would probably not give two poops about their OVER THE TOP high budget website.

Okay okay, I’m being critical. Bear with me. I speak the truth, you know like buddha-truth. In college I got a degree in Italian (totally unrelated, che cazzo vuoi?) but I also studied folklore. Specifically I studied jokes and childhood games. Because of course the silly ritualistic games we all played, the ones passed down generation to generation, are constantly being redone, refashioned, relabeled to fit our current cultural landscape. It’s what we do. Whether stories or games. We rewrite them, rework them, make them updated. The problem is that when you become aware of this fact you in turn become a conscientious observer of mindless cultural patterns and it becomes sickening, ad nauseam. So I tried, despite the fact that my immediate thought was that they spent way too money for a fancy Flash site just to promote gum, to play along. I entered the site and checked out the section labeled “Play RFC”. Okay cool, some kind of game. First of all, intro’s way too long. So you hop in a elevator and enter some futuristic cyber-crazy ala-star-trek place then you pick one of three “flavors”, rain, flare or cobalt. Each flavor has a power (and for marketing purposes corresponds to an actual gum flavor) and basically you choose one then a couple of fists come up, shake at each other, and the computer-opponent hits you with another flavor and you either win, lose or tie. Sound familiar? Right, it’s Rock, Paper, Scissors. YAWN. I haven’t played Rock, Paper, Scissors since I was, what, 9 years old? Come on…please, leave RPS to the folklorists.

It gets better. There’s also a place where you can play other users online. So, I was curious and checked it out. Wanna know how many other users there were online with me? Come on, take a guess. Alright I’ll tell you. ONE. I can’t really type at this point because I’m laughing too hard. Laughing at the sound of marketing budgets being flushed down the drain, and the ever so delicate sound of a resignation letter gliding gently from the fingertips of some 20-something year old who thought he/she would be able to tell his/her future employer, “Yeah, I was the one behind the whole 5 Gum phenomenon!” to hear it make an almost imperceptible swoosh as it lands on the Director’s desk to then slink out of the office at noon glancing back before exiting at the turning doors of the job he/she told EVERYONE about just to make them all jealous because they had to take underpaid postcollege internships. Hahahaha. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating here, but indulge me my perverse fantasies, please.

Point is, when will they get right? Some do. But most don’t. I suppose it takes a combination of intelligence, savvy, and experience, but that’s not all, it’s that je ne sais quoi that only someone who watches, observes constantly, and sees the bullshit for what it is and knows exactly how to re-purpose the bs into an ABSOLUT winner. With all competition out there in the Gum marketing arena you don’t want to play “me too” with brands like Stride.

Or you could try feeding the rumor mill with ideas like the wrapper is edible. Now that’s brilliant.

Stats:
PR0
Alexa 557, 686
Compete N/A

Screenshots after the jump.